ARE YOU HOLLYWOOD?
–written by Joe Joe Pellegrino / Joe Alexandrow
You’re so Hollywood if . . . .
You wear anything Von Dutch
You drive a convertible in 40 degree weather
You drive a Hummer with no off road terrain
You drop 5 names outside of a nightclub
You have turntables but can’t spin
You have starred in a feature film and still wait tables at Denny’s
You have started your own fan club
You avoid valet parking to save a buck, but pay full cover to get in a club
You ask a guy for a drink before asking for his name
You buy a girl a drink before she asks you for your name
Every security guard and bartender knows your name
You have a business card and you don’t have a job
You have two first names or a nick name borrowed from a movie
Your wheels are more expensive than your car
Your car is more expensive then your home
You wear a trucker hat . . . sideways
If you ever say “I have connections”
You say you live in “the hills” when you live on A hill on Las Palmas and Franklin
You call yourself a photographer because you’ve taken pics of your little sister or roomate
You’ve ever been on Blind Date or Elimidate
You’ve ripped an article of clothing and called yourself a designer
You call yourself a promoter
If your business card has your headshot on it
You’ve slept with Paris
You’ve sent in photos of yourself in a bikini to get in the Playboy Mansion
You’ve ever been on Celebrities Uncensored
You own a FAKE Louis Vuitton purse
If you don’t use your Louis Vuitton luggage b/c your afraid somebody might steal it at the baggage claim.
You’ve ever hooked up with a guy thinking it was a girl
If you still bump 50 cent “in da club” in your car down Sunset
You claim to work with William Morris to get ass or get in a club.
You’re on a porn site or video
You have a web page with no purpose
You bring 16 year old girls to nightclubs
You’ve been going to nightclubs since you were 16
You think being “Hollywood” is cool
You’re confused reading this
You’re a guy and wear D&G
If you know any of these people: Suk Sung, Herman Town, Brent Bolthouse, Sam Rhima, Michael Bellisario, Joe Joe Alexandrow, Luis Q, Danny B, Steve Castro, Shawn Antonio.
You pay a restaurant bill with 4 credit cards
Drugs are a recreational activity
Pole dancing is your workout program
You drive a convertible in 40 degree weather
You drive a Hummer with no off road terrain
You drop 5 names outside of a nightclub
You have turntables but can’t spin
You have starred in a feature film and still wait tables at Denny’s
You have started your own fan club
You avoid valet parking to save a buck, but pay full cover to get in a club
You ask a guy for a drink before asking for his name
You buy a girl a drink before she asks you for your name
Every security guard and bartender knows your name
You have a business card and you don’t have a job
You have two first names or a nick name borrowed from a movie
Your wheels are more expensive than your car
Your car is more expensive then your home
You wear a trucker hat . . . sideways
If you ever say “I have connections”
You say you live in “the hills” when you live on A hill on Las Palmas and Franklin
You call yourself a photographer because you’ve taken pics of your little sister or roomate
You’ve ever been on Blind Date or Elimidate
You’ve ripped an article of clothing and called yourself a designer
You call yourself a promoter
If your business card has your headshot on it
You’ve slept with Paris
You’ve sent in photos of yourself in a bikini to get in the Playboy Mansion
You’ve ever been on Celebrities Uncensored
You own a FAKE Louis Vuitton purse
If you don’t use your Louis Vuitton luggage b/c your afraid somebody might steal it at the baggage claim.
You’ve ever hooked up with a guy thinking it was a girl
If you still bump 50 cent “in da club” in your car down Sunset
You claim to work with William Morris to get ass or get in a club.
You’re on a porn site or video
You have a web page with no purpose
You bring 16 year old girls to nightclubs
You’ve been going to nightclubs since you were 16
You think being “Hollywood” is cool
You’re confused reading this
You’re a guy and wear D&G
If you know any of these people: Suk Sung, Herman Town, Brent Bolthouse, Sam Rhima, Michael Bellisario, Joe Joe Alexandrow, Luis Q, Danny B, Steve Castro, Shawn Antonio.
You pay a restaurant bill with 4 credit cards
Drugs are a recreational activity
Pole dancing is your workout program